Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
As shirtless as possible
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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