he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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