He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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