Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
