You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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