i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
