I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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