I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
