i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
