Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Girls should come with a carfax report
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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