Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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