I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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