hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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