Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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