Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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