porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
