And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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