Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
