I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
