y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
