I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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