Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
