I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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