i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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