Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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