His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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