the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
