1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
