so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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