soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
As shirtless as possible
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize