Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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