I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
