If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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