she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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