whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
