i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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