the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
