honey bunches of taint.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
