matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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