He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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