Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I will pee on everything he values.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
