this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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