yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
