people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Small penises have feelings too.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
