The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
