You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize