I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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