its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
