I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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