I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
