My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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