how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
FUCK WHALES
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
And then he peed in my hair
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