That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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