Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
