How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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