toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
