Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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