mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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