you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
